You know you are in Ireland when

Just decided to introduce Ireland's quirks. No offense meant.

1. Weather forecast is like a joke- it's raining anyway, especially in the winter, so why bother? Sometimes we might have an occasional storm. Like once a week. No wonder people are talking about the dreadful weather wherever you go.

2. There are so many pubs in your city that one year is not long enough to visit all of them. And one liver is not enough to live through the visits even if you somehow manage the challenge.

3. If the bus is on time there's something seriously wrong and you should be worried. Or maybe there's something wrong with the driver. Like, he knows how to read the time on a clock.

4. Every house is more or less moldy.

5. There is a hot water tap and a cold water tap in your bathroom. Separate taps! Try to get some lukewarm water. Yeah right.

Even Grandma's house is more modern..

6. The washing machine is in the kitchen and waste water goes to open sewer in the backyard. You don't have a hallway in the house where to leave your shoes and jacket, because it's quite all right to march in your muddy shoes on the fine carpeting.

7. The sweet smell of weed is thick in the air. That's OK, too.

8. There a re 2 doors in your bathroom. First one leads to your room and the second to your flatmate's room. Why should I be able to access her room from the bathroom? Anyone can explain?

9. Christmas is deadly serious business. Unless you want to risk a fine, you'll need to fix those ridiculous antlers to your car, preferably also a red nose to make it resemble a reindeer. If reindeer are not to your liking, you can choose a miniature Christmas tree instead.

10. No one knows your address but when you say you live quite close to Sober Lane, people can immediately place it on the map. All this in a country where zip code is not used. Why should we anyway.

11. Water is heated in a boiler, heating is on for a couple of hours a day. So forget about afternoon shower unless you need a cold one. The central heating is also on only for a couple of hours. Feeling cold? We have those small heaters we can use. Or just drink tea. Or buy a hot water bottle and name it George.

12. Try to rent a studio. Not gonna succeed, those things just don't exist and that's the beginning and end of it. All the houses are big and roomy as mansions and usually at least half a century old.

At least we are not living here